What Would Darren Hanlon Say?: A New Start

A New Start – What Can We Say

The end of one day...the beginning of the next

As some of you now know, our time in Brisbane is now over and we have relocated to New Zealand. I say “New Zealand” because the country has roughly the same population as the wider Brisbane area and more so because the town that we’ve relocated in, is virtually unheard of, except in New Zealand were it’s very popular, but only as a punch line to jokes.

For those of you that missed the bit where we left Brisbane, that account is found at Elvis Has Left the Thunderdome.

Life is all about managing expectations. So we knew that leaving the blissful weather of SE Queensland for the land referred to as “The Long White Cloud” was going to be a change, and further, a change that needed to be managed. Our research showed that rather than water that ranged between 21-26c and summer ambient temperatures consistently in the 30-40c range, we were going to live in a town where the Tasman Sea was 17-22c and the air threatened historic records at 30c.

So we thought that it would be a good idea to leave Brisbane before we could enjoy too much summer and thus ruining the mood for our new home. It was a simple and modest plan that attempted to accommodate a holiday, as well as a Christmas visit back in Calgary. Well modest of sorts. The itinerary included stops in Fiji, Honolulu and Calgary, before embarking to start our new adventure in New Zealand. I guess I mean that it was modest considering that our travel included 5 countries in 4 weeks.

Calgary was a good call but full of it’s own adventures and misadventures, which is also the subject of a shorter update, found at Searching For Auntie Emm and Toto. Basically the anticipated magnificence of a White Christmas soon gave way to the misery of cold temperatures, reinforcing the cliché that you can never go home. Although Spencer loved eating snow as it fell from the sky, we all agreed that -10c (and below) is inhumane. However the short sharp shock of cold did ease our transition from Brisbane to New Zealand.

A quick right into town, mate

Did I mention that the town we’re moving to is New Plymouth? Did I mention that New Plymouth is beautifully located on the western coast of New Zealand overlooking the Tasman Sea? This is a region of sea that’s as fickle as a school girl; some days providing the glassy calm of a Golden Retrieve’s gaze and others the vicious temper of a Bull Massif that had been raised in fight pits. What this means to us, and I suppose the “real locals”, is that the water is a vast source of entertainment and wonder. There is a good surf break, one that is typically devoid of crowds, a welcome change to our Australian experiences. Perhaps this is because we’ll need wetsuits to venture in past our ankles, but we’ll see.

All our various thoughts ricocheting through our minds regarding the new jobs, friends we had left behind in Australia, being even further away from friends and family in North America, new daycare, new bank accounts, grocery stores etc. What brand of milk are we going to like? Butter? Where will we find a decent loaf of fresh bread? All these things competed for space during the transpacific flight pushing us into exhaustion until we finally fell asleep. Sleep on an airplane? Right, I can imagine what you’ll say, but did I mention that Nicole’s company sprung for Business Class tickets out of Calgary? Did I mention that Air New Zealand’s Business Class has pods rather than seats and that said pods fold down into personal beds? Yes. That’s right, just try a little, the first taste is free. Too bad that the price tag on this ticket makes what I’d consider the “only way to fly” also becomes “justification to drive”. But maybe….but probably not. Maybe it’s the justification to find a well paying job.

Regardless of what being pampered was attempting to justify, soon sleep fell upon me and the surrounding comforts managed to staunch my anxiety from rising like a Monarch Butterfly on a summer thermal or the peaks of the kiwi mountains penetrating the long white cloud. Unfortunately, this reprieve seemed over quickly. As we started our descent I started thinking about all that we needed to do, the challenges that we faced in Brisbane and were about to embark upon again.

Did I mention that New Plymouth is nestled at the bottom of Mt Taranaki (neé Egmont) the regions dormant volcano that towers over the landscape? Or at least Taranaki is a mostly, usually dormant volcano. Well mostly, usually dormant, for as long as most people that have lived here for less than 10 years can remember. So at least this is going to be a beautiful location to live and probably pretty safe too. Right? Because even with a mostly, usually, for sure, usually during the last 10 years dormant volcano, there are no snakes or spiders or other dangerous Australian things, at least there haven’t been since the last volcanic activity in the area.

Cape Egmont Lighthouse with Mt Taranaki in background

Since this wasn’t our first time in the Taranaki region (or province, without Canadian style provincial boundaries or regional government) or in New Plymouth, we had some sense of what to expect. We took advantage of being here for a weekend during a round of interviews that Nicole had been brought down for. Ascetically, the area feels like Pincher Creek in Alberta, but with more moderate weather and a glistening sea on the doorstep. Rolling foothills, pastoral landscapes that provide abundant homes for equine enthusiasts and dairy farmers alike. Again, a beautiful locale to call our new home.

Did I mention that New Plymouth is a great move, from a career perspective, for Nicole. The Taranaki region is home to the base of the drilling operations for Todd Energy and they have a significant multi-well terrestrial drilling program with wells running ~5000m in depth. Further, they have offshore licenses that they are going to kick off at some future date, which will provide additional challenges for Nicole and some amazing experience. But I suppose that everything comes at the cost of something else. Did I mention that New Plymouth is remote, even by New Zealand standards. We’re now a four-hour drive from either Wellington (nation’s capital) or Auckland (largest city with ~1.4MM people) or 40 min. flights to either centre. And once you get to either Auckland or Wellington, Sydney is only three or so hours away. Then another 17-21 to North America… But that should be ok, provided that we can find everything that we want here. Right? Right? And of course there are no dangerous animals and the volcano is mostly, always usually dormant.

Did I mention that New Plymouth is a town of ~70,000 people, part of a larger (relatively speaking) regional population 100,000? In fact there are fewer people living south of our location than in either SE Queensland or Alberta, even if you include the various scientific expeditions of Antarctica (at least based upon rough estimates, dubious data and my substandard math skills, and dubious data collecting from public sources for Tasmania, South Island New Zealand, Argentina and Chile). So, being city people, Nicole and I had low expectations. Even without box jellyfish and a dormant volcano.

These expectations have been shattered. No question the selection of goods and services is limited. Items we’ve grown accustomed to in Brisbane, and Calgary before, have virtually disappeared, except for some online purchases. (Currently I’m rounding out my legal skills by becoming conversant in the various import / export law of New Zealand to see what we can manage to order overseas and bring into New Zealand. So far it looks like the shipping and duties are going to be ugly.)

Unfortunately these goods that we’re talking about aren’t even luxury items, but basic necessities. For instance, when I asked one of Nicole’s co-workers where you could buy a decent bottle of wine, they responded, “ahhh, well, we brought some over from Australia. Maybe you could try Auckland.” God Damn! Something that our advance research failed to uncover!

But for every setback and frustration there is a glimmer of hope and redemption, something familiar and provincial about being in a small town. These are the experiences that make moving around the world rich and worthwhile. Within our first 10 days in town we’ve had the following experiences:

1) Spencer and I were at the playground in the small regional zoo around the end of the day, when we came across another family. Right, nothing surprising about that, is there? Neither was the fact that the playground was emptying as people were starting to head home for dinner. It was then that I heard a mother calling out to her kids, all of who looked to be under 5 years old, from across the field, some 15-20 m (40-55 feet) away. She was simply asking them to take care and that she was taking one of her other children to the toilet. I offered to keep an eye on them while she was gone. Really, I was expecting that she’d rush back, whisk all the children up and leave. This way it would finally be quiet and Spencer could play on whatever she wanted, without competition.

Instead I get the thumbs up, mom takes off coming back in 15 minuets or so with “thanks mate.” I’m still stunned, until then the only person that I had met that so sufficiently lacked judgment to leave a child alone with me was Nicole.

2) A couple of days later, I find my way into a local bakery / café and decide to buy a loaf of fresh bread for dinner. You know, on the quest in the new town to find decent bread. Like wine, another essential element for happiness. After a short chat with the manager, I get a warm sour dough loaf and then realize that I don’t have the $3 cash to pay, so I apologize and produce a credit card. Predictably, my new credit card fails, so I’m left making the awesome impression of the new immigrant that can’t afford bread. Perfect.

So what happens next? I’m expecting the manager to shrug his shoulders and turn to a bona fide freight paying customer, maybe casting me a suspicious or derisive look in doing so. But no, we’re in the town where “Good People” live. So, instead he says “Welcome to town, catch us up next time past.”

What? Really? Really, really? Idiot. Like I’m going to make sure that I get back to buy more bread from this clown? What if it’s no good? What kind of business could he possibly be running, money laundering maybe?

As it turns out the bread was fantastic and rather than imperiling his $0.80 of profit on the loaf, the three of us returned to Petit Paris the following day and spent $80 for lunch. (Yeah, dinning out is pricey here) So, a lesson in small town commerce, I suppose.

3) But while loaves of bread don’t’ fall from the sky, they (sort of) spring from the earth and represent small commodity economies. What if you want to buy a car when you’re new in town? Of course you want to, you’re renting some trashed out Ford Mondeo that looks like it was repossessed off the Brocket First Nation Reservation. So what do you do? Well you start by looking at what dealerships are around and trying to determine what they have for inventory. Obvious answer.

But what do you do when the local dealer doesn’t have inventory (as you’d expect to be the case in a town of ~70,000)? Especially of course when you ask, for something specific.

“Not to worry”, the dealer reassures us, “I just sold one a couple weeks back to a guy in town. I’ll call him and see if you can take his for a test drive.” Ah huh. Right. This is code for “you can buy what I’ve got, or pay me to bring it in. If you don’t like it you can go back to Canada and cry”

But sure enough in a couple of days the call comes back from the dealership and the enthusiastic salesman advises, “yeah, so my client is on days off right now, so he can work around your schedule. Does tomorrow or Saturday morning work for you? He’s willing to accommodate you but also wants to book some golf in.”

Predictably, I couldn’t answer the question as I was so stunned with it all and stuck trying to understand which part of the conversation was the unreasonable part: lending the car, working around our schedule, or waiting to see what we wanted to do before planning his days off.

Of course all of our experiences can’t be like that, life isn’t so kind and really these updates would lack the zest that you’ve become accustomed to. One such experience was the eventual purchase of our car. Despite being offered all the convenience of driving the new car of one of the denizen’s of New Plymouth, we elected to venture up to Auckland to enjoy a weekend in the “big smoke” as it were, a proper city, one that boasts a broader selection of vehicles. This, of course, meant that one of us had to return later to actually take delivery of said vehicle. Ultimately it was decided that I would fly up Saturday morning and return (triumphantly) with a new car and that Nicole would take the rare opportunity for a day with just her and Spencer.

With visions of the conquering hero played through my ample imagination, reality rose to meet me. Everything was set in place, confirmed in advance, and re-confirmed, because in actual fact I was merely acting as agent in picking up a vehicle registered to Nicole. Unexpectedly, at least for me, things seemed to be moving along well. No delays in flights. The taxi driver, who took me from the airport to the dealership, pointing out the landmarks along the way, was fair and engaging.

Unbeknownst to me, Misfortune arrived at the dealership at the same time I did. In fact, I think it beat me through the door. As it turned out the salesman who we had been dealing with was on holiday leave and someone who wasn’t collecting a commission was covering off the delivery of the vehicle. Unsurprisingly this guy was as useful as playing Angry Birds on an Etch’a’Sketch. I never did get a good look at it, but I think that his business card announced him as Max Distracted.

Presenting contracts for me to sign, he asks, well actually almost grunts, “you’ve brought pen, right.” No big deal, I happen to travel with pens, so I’m ok. Then he adds, “You’re not really going to take the time to actually read that thing are you?”

“That thing. Could he really mean a contract, the foundation of all commercial discourse. The imperfect, yet demonstrable, expression of ad item? This was a legal document. A contract. A thing of beauty. It’s not a monstrosity like the meticulously restored ’68 Camero that’s always roaring around our apartment. How could someone, especially a salesman not appreciate this?” Ah, yeah, as both the agent taking possession of a car and a lawyer, I think I probably should.

But no, Max presses me, “Just initial there, and we’re done.” You mean where it says that I’m waiving all consumer protection rights because I’ve bought this on auction, even though we’ve purchased this retail? “Huh?” This, I say, pointing to the provision. “I’ve never seen that…” and so it goes. Eventually I’ve decided I’ve wasted enough of the salesman’s otherwise commission potential rich Saturday, sign the documents and proceed to be given the orientation of the new car.

For those of you who don’t know me too well, the details of car don’t hold a great deal of interest to me. Nicole? Well of course, as the engineer, she can tell you the Make, Model, Year, mileage, torque, transmission type and rating, GVM, towing capacity, fuel efficiency, displacement weight and towing capacity for every vehicle she’s owned and even most of the one’s that I’ve owned, even if I had owned them prior to meeting her. Me? I can tell you the colour, most of the time. Well, sometimes I get the colour right.

Nevertheless, when Max Distracted starts his orientation in a derisive tone about the complexity of opening the fuel tank, he loses what tenuous grasp he ever claimed on my attention. I suddenly realize that he’s not talking about opening the tank for repairs or something, but merely refueling. I admit at this point I drifted off a bit. In fact, I recall my future starting to flash before me. Long gone were the visions of the returning hero, but rather I could see myself crouched over a savagely beaten body. It appeared that it was the body of Max, even while the clown that was yammering somewhere in the distance in the recess of my mind, but I was elsewhere. I was trying feverishly to resuscitate Max, presumably to re-visit further savage beatings upon him. There were other visions, like being asked at my arraignment hearing “Mr Milne, what excuse do you offer for the alleged Grievous Bodily Harm that were attended upon Max Distracted?” “Ah….I suppose that I’m not really sure, probably that the police arrived before I was finished killing him?”

I regained my tether to Max’s orientation, to understand that the GPS wasn’t working, extra keys had been lost, the crack on the windscreen was something that I had probably done looking at the car and that basically it wasn’t his sale so he was more interested in catching up on the cricket scores and telling me how great it was that his parents live in Calgary, but nothing about the car. At the end of the day, I picked up the car, some wine and found my way back to the highway and while I didn’t return to a parade, Nicole was certainly happy to see the new car and the wine.

So this is our first few weeks in our new home. We’ve managed to fly across the world, twice. We’ve avoided hurricanes, earthquakes and blizzards, and we’ve discovered to find bread, wine and a car. Although we've had our last Little Creatures for a while, I think we’re good.

Darren Hanlon, who was the inspiration, or at least a catch phrase for my last round of blogs, could possibly understand how we feel having left Queensland for colder climates. (Oregon for him, New Zealand for us). His rhetoric is this:

What can we say?

It was supposed to end this way,

Now we disappear.

What will we miss the most?

The feel of sun?

The taste of beer?

What Can We Say – from the album “I Could Love You At All”

Yeah, the taste of beer, the feel of sun, but also the laughter of friends. So far, so go. I think that life in New Plymouth will be a good adventure.