The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

Given the state that most of you are in, now a week post-Stampede and the time lag since the last update, I thought I’d provide something quick.  So far our experiences have been great and can be reflected in the following lists.  If it helps, hum (or download and play) Ennio Morricone’s tune that became the spaghetti western theme from The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.

The Good

1. The climate.  The weather here is tracking the Calgary weather almost to the degree.  While it is more humid here, it’s lovely and the dead of winter.
2. Winter.  Low temperatures of 6-8 C; flowering plants; walking to work in sandals, shorts and a light long sleeved shirt, MC Hammer couldn’t touch this.
3. No sign of mini-van driving soccer Moms with acid washed “Mom Jeans”. 
4. A 12 oz. coffee that costs $4 is a bargain.  The coffee is that good.  No joke.
5. The sky.  First, understand that I’m a Calgary kid and never imagined living anywhere other than southern Alberta.  Until now.  The sky here provides a constant source of wonder, comment and awe.  Walking home the sunsets are vibrant, dynamic and exceed my imagination, almost daily.  Nicole has been running in the morning and claims the same for the sunrise.  During the day the sky is so blue that we’re left discussing it daily.  I keep wanting to refer to the blueness of the sky as “unbelievable”, “improbable” or “impossible” but it day after day, it’s the same, so the adjectives don’t apply.  Unfathomable isn’t the right word, but it’s the best that I can do.  Remember the part of City of Angels, where the angels go to the beach to listen to the sunrise?  The sky here, is almost that good.
6. The traffic.  I saw the first road rage incident since we’ve been here.  I driver honking and honking and honking.  Not screaming.  Not threatening violence.  Just honking.  Someone called out “Go back to Victoria” (another state).  Turns out the car actually had Victoria plates.
7. The restaurants are excellent.  There is no shortage of good restaurants ranging from local take-away (take out) to fine dining.  In fact, there is still a handful within a few blocks of our home that we haven’t tried.  Most of the restaurants accommodate children, in various forms, regardless of how “up-market” the restaurant is.  Having said that our daughter is remarkably well behaved, except when she’s Nicole’s daughter.
8. The weekly ritual of meeting other families at the local markets to let the kids play while one shops for the week’s produce.
9. Tasting notes for local sparkling wine, detail “subtle hints of vegemite”.  Don’t read this to mean that I like vegemite in my sparkling wine, I just like that this is how the wine is described.
10. Short skirts.

The Bad

1. $4 Coffee, even if it’s that good, it’s still pricy.
2. Cured meats.  We haven’t resolved what the issue is, but the cured meats don’t accord with our palettes.  There is a taste that seems visceral, either the presence of blood or a higher fat content than we’re used to.  Shame. 
3. Litter.  There seems to be more litter than I was used to in Calgary, perhaps because Calgary is windier in Calgary, or perhaps there’s just people that pick it up.  Here bottles will stay in the curb for days if not weeks.  By contrast, in Calgary, the homeless will clear them up before you turn around.
4. Trying to understand the slang and local vernacular.  One day I asked what Spencer had at day-care for lunch, I was informed “pikelets”.  “Oh, ok, what are ‘pikelets’”  “More than one pikelet”.  Really?  At any rate, I couldn’t manage an explanation, so the old stand-by Wikipedia identified them for me as “American style pancakes”.  So, to understand what our daughter is eating, we need a translator.  Fantastic.  This is just the beginning of so, so much….
5. Prices.  Things are expensive.  Dining is pricy, but consumer goods are particularly pricy and most of the time we’re better off buying clothes or formula for Spencer in North America and then arranging for it to be shipped.
6. Bad service.  There is no tipping (because minimum wage is $534.78/week (roughly $14.31/hr) so waiters are typically disinclined to be attentive.  Further, there is a different perception in roles.  I was advised today by the girl at the street based coffee cart that she’s in the “hospitality” industry.  The coffee is good, she seemed nice, but “hospitality”, I think we’re reaching.
7. Life is real.  We live here and being here isn’t a holiday.  We have to go to work, buy groceries, change diapers and do laundry.  I’m sure this pains you all and you’ll set up a fund for us, but Australia has warm weather and beaches, which should be consistent with holidays.  We’ve been to the beach twice in the four months we’ve been here.  Did I mention that we’re not really on holiday??
8. We miss friends and family.  We miss the weddings, the coffees and drinks, the graduations, BBQ’s, dinners and being part of daily lives.
9. The trials and tribulations of trying to get qualified as a lawyer here.  By the end of this I will either be admitted to the Law Society or admitted into a psychotherapy in-patient program.  If it’s the later, I’ll ask you not to stare at the scar on my forehead. 

I was recently advised that my application was incomplete inter alia because two copies of my resume are required, because there were two separate forms as part of the application process.  Notwithstanding that a copy was sent, notwithstanding that I’ve paid $400 and notwithstanding that I have to send documents out of state, it’s easier for the law society to set the application aside until I send another copy then it is to make a copy themselves. 

,

Further, copies of original documents must be notarized, and not merely certified by a lawyer as true copies.  Complicating matters is that lawyers are not Notaries as they are in Canada, and actually finding a Notary is like hen’s teeth.  Some of the larger law firms only have 1 or 2 in their offices (so I’m told).  In fact in Queensland the notary office continues to be appointed by the Court of Faculties in England under the guidance of the Archbishop of Canterbury.

I understand that there has been an unprecedented rash of people trying to pretend to be Albertan lawyers, especially with my name.  Perhaps this is true.  Scary if it is.

10. Short skirts.

The Ugly

1. Bugs.  Large, tenacious, voracious.  Not the way I like to describe things that make my skin crawl.  Because things grow all year around, they get big, they don’t go away and they’re creepy.  Yuck.
2. Homelessness.  The people that are homeless here seem to have less support than in Calgary (probably because they won’t freeze).  They’re also more aggressive.  We were followed for a block a couple of weeks ago, by 3 or 4 wired aboriginals, being peppered with pleas for cigarettes and cash.  When their taunts started to involve Spencer that was enough, and our response quickly backed them down and they then gave us the space we wanted.
3. Feeling cold and damp at nights and in the mornings.  Yeah, it’s embarrassing to admit that we’re here and we feel cold.  While I laugh at people that talk about the current conditions as “cold”, or “too cold to camp” (at 6 C), the fact is that we feel cold here and can’t seem to get our brains around it.  I should have brought more sweaters and long sleeved shirts. 
4. Winter colds.  Of course it’s Spencer’s fault, being at day-care, but we’ve all had “winter colds” that have endured for over 2 weeks now.  Bummer. 
5. Ford Falcon Ute.  First things first, the “Ute” is like a little truck; not a light truck like one is used to in Alberta, like the older Mazda’s and Toyota, but a little pickup, usually with a flatbed.  Further, “Ute” is the shortened version of “Utility” as far as I can tell, rather than “Uterus” like I had initially thought because, it seemed like a derogatory term for where a baby would be kept, which was in line with the lexigraphic rules that I’ve managed to learn since I’ve been here.  “Baby truck, baby in a truck, baby is safe and carried in (or actually near) the uterus, everything has either a slang name or is shortened, ergo Ute”  At any rate, think Chev El Camino and you get the modern day Ford Falcon Ute.  There is really no reason for anyone to be driving this atrocity that isn’t either running afoul of INS in Southern California or playing indoor ball hockey in the 70’s at Glenmore Park.  Terrible.  However, the alarming popularity of the Falcon Ute (undoubtedly, the result of some type of Bernie Madoff marketing shenanigans) perhaps explains why the Aussies export wine with penguins on the label to North America.  I wish we could all just get along.
6. Vegemite
7. Vegemite
8. Vegemite
9. Vegemite
10. Short skirts.