Riverfire 2011

Notoriously, Brisbane enjoys three things in abundance: warm weather; fireworks and celebrations.  Attempting to embrace this strange and foreign culture, as poor immigrants to this wondrous land, Nicole and I, on 3 September hosted was our first and last annual "Riverfire Party".

Seems innocuous enough...

Riverfire is a spectacle of incomprehensible proportions.  Imagine Chinese New Year, Operation Dessert Storm I and II, and my tendency for embellishment and you have a sense of what was expected.  

By way of a broader explanation, Riverfire is the kick off event to the larger Brisbane Festival that runs for 21 days in September, starting the first Saturday.  Ok, what's Brisbane Festival? Excellent question.  Imagine Chinese New Year, Rosh Hashanah, Easter, Break-up, Bloomsday, Stuttgart Spring Festival and my penchant for embellishment and you have Brisbane Festival.  Incidentally, the festival does mark the start of Spring here.

As you might imagine after facing a long harsh Queensland winter where there are rumours that it can get as cold as 3 C and the daytime highs are a shocking 18-21 C, Spring is welcome indeed.  Fortunately, like any good season change it is noticeable and in fact palpable.  It seems like almost over night, the humidity starts to rise again from the arid 20-30% to more reasonable 65-80%.  Still from a Canadian perspective, all of this seems a little foreign still.  In fact the "rumours" of the cold temperatures have actually been recorded, but at the bottom of a well in the pre-dawn hours and in terms of "dry air" Queenslanders don't believe that as kids we used to build up static on carpets by dragging our feet, only to prove Coulomb's law (for a system of discrete discharges), notwithstanding our lack of understanding of physics.1  

The event was witnessed from the rooftop balcony of our rented unit  over looking the grandeur of the Story Bridge.  As previously mentioned in other entries, it was unlikely that we will renew our lease so this became a once in a lifetime opportunity extended to friends in the area.  The views of the spectacle were in fact a great experience and perhaps the most stunning display of fireworks I have seen, certainly the vantage point made an impact.

  

Some of the anticipatory testimonials, which may or may not have really been attributed to the source cited included:

Lord Mayor Graham Quirk - "If I was asked, I would say that the Milne/Tetrault Riverfire party should be one of the best two or three thousand Riverfire events this year.  We are very proud indeed.";

Chris Bowen MP - "These types of events and people show us how proud Australia can be of the immigrants that we so warmly welcome to our shores...";

Brad Burns, local comedian and thespian - "Having attended a party there once already, I'm almost positive that I could maybe find my way back.  Totally unforgettable night.";

Bono, lead singer U2 - "It's a great event, a great function, for an outstanding cause it reminds me of this time that I single handedly raise awareness for the unfettered repression of....." interrupted by the Edge groaning.

The format was simple: 

• People were welcome anytime after 5.30 and children most welcome.  I mean, what's the fun of fireworks without young children to be terrified by them?
• We encouraged those driving to make sure to check the provided links because of the significant traffic disruptions and no parking zones that would be in effect for the evening; and 
• We provided a variety of light snacks but encouraged everyone to bring their favourite refreshments that you think is suitable for fireworks, you or your children.

Further stipulations followed, as the fireworks kicked off at 7pm, those guest who were not here by 6.45, were instructed to simply stand outside our place and scream until the police attend and lead you elsewhere.  The rest of us, will be on the rooftop balcony watching your arrest.  Seriously, front doors were locked at 6.45 and we were not coming down to get stragglers.  In typically Australian fashion, a tipping pool was set up for how many arrests were to be made and who was to be the first.  Brad Burns led the pool with even odds of being arrested, but to the disappointment of the book, he arrived promptly, an event for which odds weren't listed.  

The party continued past the fireworks, and unlike other parties we had hosted ended before the cold wine and beer were exhausted.  Perhaps providing some insight into what we encouraged young children to attend... 

The anticipated attendees included:

*Peter Garrett - former lead singer of Midnight Oil, doing something else now; who exclaims, "I would expect to have a whale of a time...";

*Quade Cooper - Wallabies Fly-half; "I can't kick the feeling that I'm supposed to be doing something else, but I totally want to attend..." he mused;

**Brad Burns - local comedic talent; Enthusiastically, "Given that it's two weeks away and I still don't have a better option...so I suppose there are worse outcomes"; and

**Three separate Gregs (none of whom were "Dirtbag Greg") and oddly not one Bruce. 

As the dust settles

We hope that those who were able to join us enjoyed the evening of fireworks, refreshments and friends.  For those who were not able to make it, I've added a photo of the projected view for next year...

http://www.brisbanefestival.com.au/Free/Sunsuper-Riverfire-Important-Information

http://www.brisbanefestival.com.au/Free/Sunsuper-Riverfire

* Probably not really, although there maybe someone talking about them.

** Probably really.

1 Coulomb (1785b) "Second mémoire sur l’électricité et le magnétisme," Histoire de l’Académie Royale des Sciences, pages 578-611. -- Coulomb showed that oppositely charged bodies obey an inverse-square law of attraction.

Teasing Aussies

...and so continue the accounts of the Canadian who's moved to Oz.

I took this photo in Sydney, as it was a sight that sort of tripped me out.  Standing in Sydney, feeling too hot wearing a wool suit and looking through a window into my former back yard.  It was overwhelming.  I could hear the birds; the din of the TransCanada Highway; and smell the aroma of nature.  Well maybe that was the just the soiled homeless person who was laying off to the side in this urban oasis.

Maybe when I return to Canada  I'll propose to commission a similar exhibit but with an iconic Aussie scene maybe of Bondi or the Sydney Opera House to post in Banff.  That way all the Aussie kids that are there during their gap year can share my feeling.

One of things that we’ve learned along the way is that notwithstanding how fun loving the Aussies are, it’s best not to tease them about certain things.  While it’s true that the Aussies love to “take a piss out of themselves”, much like any group I suppose, it’s always different when an outsider takes a crack.   This was a tip that I quickly adopted and haven't forgotten.  Well serving as well, given my fast mouth and limited judgement.  

The most recent example is found when the local media caught wind of Robin Williams’ appearance on Late Night With David Letterman where he said that Australia was populated by people who were “backward” and “redneck”.  Rather than attacking Williams on any number of fronts (former addictions, getting his start on Mork and Mindy, becoming a famous aged cross dressing nanny) or simply dismissing the comments as something heard on late night television between comedians, (then) Prime Minister Rudd issued a response in which he suggested that Mr. Williams travel to Alabama to see real rednecks.  What?  Poor Alabama, had nothing to do with this exchange.  In fact Alabama was peacefully watching NASCAR (or waiting for NASCAR coverage).  The Governor of Alabama had to respond and things became silly.[1] [2]

For his part, Robin Williams got more attention, admitted to having just returned from Australia where he was providing his voice to Happy Feet 2, which really could have provided Prime Minister Rudd with fodder enough for retaliation.

http://au.ibtimes.com/articles/20100401/prime-minister-kevin-rudd-reacts-robin-williams-australian-redneck-dig.htm

Honestly, though, Robin Williams is not entirely off the mark with the “backwards” part of his comment, although, perhaps “backwards” with a different connotation.  Perhaps “juxtaposed”, “reversed”, or “inverted”, or “different” would have been a better word choice, but then again, we’re talking about someone who was able to take such a humble beginning as “Mork” and fashion it into a career that has generated more money that I will ever see.

There are a number of examples that would support Mr Williams’ comments.  For instance, my daughter’s name is “Spencer”.  My wife and I chose “Spencer” because it’s different, easy to spell and immediately recognizable for people to pronounce.  Except here, it’s Spenca.  Oddly, “Canada” is pronounced Canader.  So, logically, if “Canada” was spelt “Canader” and if “Spencer” was spelt “Spenca” the Aussies hit the pronunciation correctly.  Perhaps the answer is like the pageantry of the Olympic teams, where “Germany” is “Deutschland”.  At any rate, this starts to support a “backwards” or “reversed” commentary.  But the examples aren’t limited to language, one can see other incidences in most parts of life.  Geographically located at the bottom of the globe, the forces of Creoles and the changing of the seasons.  Prime Minister Rudd could have been much better off simply stating that the Aussies are different, that North American’s have skewed vision of the world and that Robin Williams was best left as someone to laugh at.  Ah, how different things would be if I ran the zoo.

Brisbane boasts an amazing collection of historical buildings, many of which have been restored and converted into museums or professional buildings.  Two such buildings are the “Old Windmill” and the “Commissariat Store”, the latter being the oldest surviving structure in Brisbane.  Both were built around 1829 by convict labour that was relocated from Sydney for the “more intractable” prisoners.  Presumably, those who continued to refuse to acknowledge that their heinous crimes, such as stealing food for their families, offended the British Crown. 

The attraction to relocating the prisoners to the site which became Brisbane includes a reliable water supply and because the river had a bend in it, making escape more difficult.[3]  I beg you to tell me that this isn’t a variation of the Brier Rabbit story.  Here is a population of convicts, which have been transferred from England to Australia, by sea, in the early 1800s.  One doesn’t have to be an expert in naval history to expect that GPS and communications weren’t particularly advanced at that time, nor to hypothesize that travel by sea was entirely comfortable.  So, then to expect that a bend in a river would thwart escape?  I’m not convinced.  It’s probably more the case that the people look around and ask, “What’s that blinding light that’s so hot?  I’ve never seen such a thing in London!”  “Yeah, mate, they call that the sun.  We’ve got clean water here too.”  I guess you wouldn’t want to escape.

Brisbane’s history and historical buildings continued to develop throughout the years by way of notable events.  World War II, the Commonwealth Games and the World Fair to name a few such events.  In fact, General MacArthur selected Brisbane as home for the Pacific Allied Command.  The actual location of the Allied Command was the subject of much discussion.  MacArthur elected to build his own headquarters rather than to use the grounds of the Queensland University of Technology (QUT), because he was concerned about  QUT’s vulnerability to air-raids.  In response to MacArthur’s proposal, the locals were heard to say, “Nah, not a chance mate, this river’s got a bend in it, making escape and attack impossible!”  I can still imagine the long pause and disdainful look that the General gave, setting off generations of condescension and derision by the Americans that was to last until 1987 when a modest yacht crew from Perth wrested the America’s Cup away from the boastful Yanks for the first time since 1857.

In fact, MacArthur still has buildings and a squared named in his honour and some of the WWII air-raid shelters are just being decommissioned as part of an effort to add further pathway and green space along the Brisbane River.

The international success of the Australians in sport provides a type of Australian Imperialism and bravado that generates a fervor around international events.  It has been said that sport is a religion here, and watching as an outsider it’s clear that it’s true.  Not only do the Aussies participate in the major sports of the rest of the world but they have their own brands as well. 

Netball is a popular woman’s sport that is played in a similar fashion to basketball, but with slightly different rules, no back board on the basket and no hand guns in the locker rooms.  Of course there is also “footy”, which a neighbour has attempted to explain to me as what the Aussies refer to “European Football”, or “Rugby Union”, or “Rugby League”, or “American Football “(also known as “Gridiron”), and “Aussie Rules Football”.  I blinked a few times trying to digest this all, when another neighbour chimed in to provide the illumination required “It’s about the intonation, mate.”  Perfect.  I still look dumbstruck when someone asks, “Did you see the footy last night mate?”

Australian Rules Football is something unto itself.  We were staring at it on the television one day and a local came up and started asking me if I followed AFL (Australian Football League) and who “I favoured”.  To which I conceded that I didn’t know a thing about it and that it looked like Brownian motion with a ball.  What happened next surprised me.  Blank look from the local and then the launch of the full explanation:

No, no mate, it’s like handball and footy combined.  You see they have to get the ball between the two middle posts for a score, or into the side posts for a ‘behind’.  In order to advance the ball the players pass the ball to each other, whilst keeping it away from their opponents.  Since there are few whistles or play stoppages, the passing is dependent upon how close the players are to each other and where the open team-mates are positioned.

So are there set positions or plays?

No, it just a pure free flowing game.

Ah, so it’s not like Brownian motion with a ball, it is Brownian motion with a ball.

Same blank look, I guess that my AFL expert wasn’t an English major who appreciates the differences between similes and metaphors.

Picking up again from Robin Williams, if things are backward here and sport is religion, I wasn’t surprised to find that religion has become sport.  A number of the beautiful churches in Brisbane have been maintained and converted into a variety of businesses.  Coffee shops, art galleries, book shops, offices and strangely nightclubs and strip clubs.  I expect that the proprietors of the latter two will be among the number I meet when I go to Hell.

“Hey mate, what are you in for?”  “Yeah, I was a lawyer, you?”  “I converted some of the churches in Brisbane into strip joints.”  “Ok, what’s going on down here”  “Right, well the Ramones are playing down on the Sixth Circle, they’re good, Iggy Pop is the opening act.  Just a word of advice, don’t request any Led Zepplin covers.”  “Ah, ok, why”  “Well, because some of the denizens here find “Stairway to Heaven” hurtful and it really does go on forever down here.”

Oregon author, Mary Anne Radmacher said, “I am not the same, having seen the moon shine on the other side of the world.”  I’m not sure if this had made her better, worse, or just simply changed.  
However, I am certain that this experience will change me; hopefully for the better.  Australia has been wonderful so far.  Full of hilarity, warm people and good wine.  There are so many reasons that we’re loving it here, but that is for another update.

With regard to Aussies and sport, it's really odd that there are not more songs about squash.  Kris Demeanor from Calgary has a song about a tennis game he shared with his father (I Have Seen The Future) so why not squash??  Darren?  

---

[1] Incidentally, Alabama boasted the best educated population (per capita) at one point due to the significant number of Ph.D’s working for NASA (Marshall Space Flight Centre) and other high tech companies such as Intergraph, ARES Corporation IBM and Bell Helicopters located in Huntsville.

[2] As a post script.  PM Rudd lost his station as Prime Minister to Julia Gillard in an internal party row. Ms Gillard was returned as PM after the last general election in 2010.  Mr Rudd remains a Member of Parliament.  

[3] Eyewitness Travel Australia DK Publishing New York 2008.  p.219

In the beginning….

It started as an answer to a question.  As all immensely annoying answers, the question raised in retort, not only posed a new question, but also was completely unrelated to the first.  So it failed to answer the initial question and it annoyed the other party. 

Two birds; one stone.  

Having just moved to Australia from Canada, I met someone in Brisbane who asked if I knew “A mate of his in Toronto named so-and-so.”  My answer was, “Hey, what would Darren Hanlon say?”  The reaction?  A blank look.

Dutifully, I explain that I lived about, as close to Toronto, a city of 5.5 million people, as we currently were to Perth, roughly 1700km, and that it was unlikely that I knew so-and-so, but, as fate would have I, I did in fact know his mate.  “In fact we went and saw Darren Hanlon open for Billy Bragg in Toronto.  You must know Darren; after all he’s from Gympie, just up the road, right?  Boy, what would Darren Hanlon say about this coincidence?” 

Unsurprisingly, my conservation companion didn’t know Darren Hanlon or get the joke. 

Since that time, I’ve made off hand references to Darren Hanlon and been asked, “What’s he like?”  The answer is always the same, “he’s great, but that’s my view, you should find out for yourself.”  And really you should.  His website is at:  

http://www.darrenhanlon.com/ and you can purchase his music online through iTunes, an affiliated site or in better music stores if you like the tangible experience of purchasing music, which incidentally, I used to love. 

However, this blog isn’t about Darren Hanlon, his music, what he would say or anything else really.  The question is a metaphor. 

Ok, then a metaphor for what?  Well, funny you should ask.  A metaphor for whatever you think works.

The back-story is that Darren Hanlon is a guy that makes music who was raised in Queensland, so the tagline is that he sings music about Australian experiences with an Australian accent.  I’ve never see Darren live, but I do own a number of his albums (in non-tangible digital form).  My first introduction was whilst listening to a podcast of a Billy Bragg show from Toronto.  During said podcast, Darren Hanlon opened for Billy Bragg and due to his wildly humorous and entertaining ways, in a few short days I expanded my great predilection for Billy Bragg (who I have seen live a number of time AND own a number of his albums) to an earnest fondness to Darren Hanlon.  Stylistically the two artists are very different, but both produce lyrics that are both clever and profound.  Both explore the human experience, Australian, British or universal, it doesn’t really matter.  That’s the great thing about metaphors.  

So now, what am I doing here?  Well I’ve moved to Oz and am preparing to write about human experiences.  Are these universal experiences?  Canadian experiences, with Canadian words and accents?  Australian experiences seen by a Canadian?  Does it matter? Well, what would Darren Hanlon say?  I don’t know, but I think that he’d say that you can’t “Cheat The Future”, so I suppose that means that you’ll have to read and find out.  Or maybe it means that as the author of this piece, I’m afforded a clever escape route and leave you as the reader to do the heavy lifting to unwind the metaphor.  At any rate, I hope that you enjoy and visit often.  Perhaps you can let me know if you see Darren and tell me what you think of what he might say.

Ironically, I understand that Darren Hanlon has moved from Australia to the USA.  “But I just got here!!” I suppose I’ll just have to stop off somewhere and “spit the dummy”.