...and so continue the accounts of the Canadian who's moved to Oz.
I took this photo in Sydney, as it was a sight that sort of tripped me out. Standing in Sydney, feeling too hot wearing a wool suit and looking through a window into my former back yard. It was overwhelming. I could hear the birds; the din of the TransCanada Highway; and smell the aroma of nature. Well maybe that was the just the soiled homeless person who was laying off to the side in this urban oasis.
Maybe when I return to Canada I'll propose to commission a similar exhibit but with an iconic Aussie scene maybe of Bondi or the Sydney Opera House to post in Banff. That way all the Aussie kids that are there during their gap year can share my feeling.
One of things that we’ve learned along the way is that notwithstanding how fun loving the Aussies are, it’s best not to tease them about certain things. While it’s true that the Aussies love to “take a piss out of themselves”, much like any group I suppose, it’s always different when an outsider takes a crack. This was a tip that I quickly adopted and haven't forgotten. Well serving as well, given my fast mouth and limited judgement.
The most recent example is found when the local media caught wind of Robin Williams’ appearance on Late Night With David Letterman where he said that Australia was populated by people who were “backward” and “redneck”. Rather than attacking Williams on any number of fronts (former addictions, getting his start on Mork and Mindy, becoming a famous aged cross dressing nanny) or simply dismissing the comments as something heard on late night television between comedians, (then) Prime Minister Rudd issued a response in which he suggested that Mr. Williams travel to Alabama to see real rednecks. What? Poor Alabama, had nothing to do with this exchange. In fact Alabama was peacefully watching NASCAR (or waiting for NASCAR coverage). The Governor of Alabama had to respond and things became silly.[1] [2]
For his part, Robin Williams got more attention, admitted to having just returned from Australia where he was providing his voice to Happy Feet 2, which really could have provided Prime Minister Rudd with fodder enough for retaliation.
Honestly, though, Robin Williams is not entirely off the mark with the “backwards” part of his comment, although, perhaps “backwards” with a different connotation. Perhaps “juxtaposed”, “reversed”, or “inverted”, or “different” would have been a better word choice, but then again, we’re talking about someone who was able to take such a humble beginning as “Mork” and fashion it into a career that has generated more money that I will ever see.
There are a number of examples that would support Mr Williams’ comments. For instance, my daughter’s name is “Spencer”. My wife and I chose “Spencer” because it’s different, easy to spell and immediately recognizable for people to pronounce. Except here, it’s Spenca. Oddly, “Canada” is pronounced Canader. So, logically, if “Canada” was spelt “Canader” and if “Spencer” was spelt “Spenca” the Aussies hit the pronunciation correctly. Perhaps the answer is like the pageantry of the Olympic teams, where “Germany” is “Deutschland”. At any rate, this starts to support a “backwards” or “reversed” commentary. But the examples aren’t limited to language, one can see other incidences in most parts of life. Geographically located at the bottom of the globe, the forces of Creoles and the changing of the seasons. Prime Minister Rudd could have been much better off simply stating that the Aussies are different, that North American’s have skewed vision of the world and that Robin Williams was best left as someone to laugh at. Ah, how different things would be if I ran the zoo.
Brisbane boasts an amazing collection of historical buildings, many of which have been restored and converted into museums or professional buildings. Two such buildings are the “Old Windmill” and the “Commissariat Store”, the latter being the oldest surviving structure in Brisbane. Both were built around 1829 by convict labour that was relocated from Sydney for the “more intractable” prisoners. Presumably, those who continued to refuse to acknowledge that their heinous crimes, such as stealing food for their families, offended the British Crown.
The attraction to relocating the prisoners to the site which became Brisbane includes a reliable water supply and because the river had a bend in it, making escape more difficult.[3] I beg you to tell me that this isn’t a variation of the Brier Rabbit story. Here is a population of convicts, which have been transferred from England to Australia, by sea, in the early 1800s. One doesn’t have to be an expert in naval history to expect that GPS and communications weren’t particularly advanced at that time, nor to hypothesize that travel by sea was entirely comfortable. So, then to expect that a bend in a river would thwart escape? I’m not convinced. It’s probably more the case that the people look around and ask, “What’s that blinding light that’s so hot? I’ve never seen such a thing in London!” “Yeah, mate, they call that the sun. We’ve got clean water here too.” I guess you wouldn’t want to escape.
Brisbane’s history and historical buildings continued to develop throughout the years by way of notable events. World War II, the Commonwealth Games and the World Fair to name a few such events. In fact, General MacArthur selected Brisbane as home for the Pacific Allied Command. The actual location of the Allied Command was the subject of much discussion. MacArthur elected to build his own headquarters rather than to use the grounds of the Queensland University of Technology (QUT), because he was concerned about QUT’s vulnerability to air-raids. In response to MacArthur’s proposal, the locals were heard to say, “Nah, not a chance mate, this river’s got a bend in it, making escape and attack impossible!” I can still imagine the long pause and disdainful look that the General gave, setting off generations of condescension and derision by the Americans that was to last until 1987 when a modest yacht crew from Perth wrested the America’s Cup away from the boastful Yanks for the first time since 1857.
In fact, MacArthur still has buildings and a squared named in his honour and some of the WWII air-raid shelters are just being decommissioned as part of an effort to add further pathway and green space along the Brisbane River.
The international success of the Australians in sport provides a type of Australian Imperialism and bravado that generates a fervor around international events. It has been said that sport is a religion here, and watching as an outsider it’s clear that it’s true. Not only do the Aussies participate in the major sports of the rest of the world but they have their own brands as well.
Netball is a popular woman’s sport that is played in a similar fashion to basketball, but with slightly different rules, no back board on the basket and no hand guns in the locker rooms. Of course there is also “footy”, which a neighbour has attempted to explain to me as what the Aussies refer to “European Football”, or “Rugby Union”, or “Rugby League”, or “American Football “(also known as “Gridiron”), and “Aussie Rules Football”. I blinked a few times trying to digest this all, when another neighbour chimed in to provide the illumination required “It’s about the intonation, mate.” Perfect. I still look dumbstruck when someone asks, “Did you see the footy last night mate?”
Australian Rules Football is something unto itself. We were staring at it on the television one day and a local came up and started asking me if I followed AFL (Australian Football League) and who “I favoured”. To which I conceded that I didn’t know a thing about it and that it looked like Brownian motion with a ball. What happened next surprised me. Blank look from the local and then the launch of the full explanation:
No, no mate, it’s like handball and footy combined. You see they have to get the ball between the two middle posts for a score, or into the side posts for a ‘behind’. In order to advance the ball the players pass the ball to each other, whilst keeping it away from their opponents. Since there are few whistles or play stoppages, the passing is dependent upon how close the players are to each other and where the open team-mates are positioned.
So are there set positions or plays?
No, it just a pure free flowing game.
Ah, so it’s not like Brownian motion with a ball, it is Brownian motion with a ball.
Same blank look, I guess that my AFL expert wasn’t an English major who appreciates the differences between similes and metaphors.
Picking up again from Robin Williams, if things are backward here and sport is religion, I wasn’t surprised to find that religion has become sport. A number of the beautiful churches in Brisbane have been maintained and converted into a variety of businesses. Coffee shops, art galleries, book shops, offices and strangely nightclubs and strip clubs. I expect that the proprietors of the latter two will be among the number I meet when I go to Hell.
“Hey mate, what are you in for?” “Yeah, I was a lawyer, you?” “I converted some of the churches in Brisbane into strip joints.” “Ok, what’s going on down here” “Right, well the Ramones are playing down on the Sixth Circle, they’re good, Iggy Pop is the opening act. Just a word of advice, don’t request any Led Zepplin covers.” “Ah, ok, why” “Well, because some of the denizens here find “Stairway to Heaven” hurtful and it really does go on forever down here.”
Oregon author, Mary Anne Radmacher said, “I am not the same, having seen the moon shine on the other side of the world.” I’m not sure if this had made her better, worse, or just simply changed.
However, I am certain that this experience will change me; hopefully for the better. Australia has been wonderful so far. Full of hilarity, warm people and good wine. There are so many reasons that we’re loving it here, but that is for another update.
With regard to Aussies and sport, it's really odd that there are not more songs about squash. Kris Demeanor from Calgary has a song about a tennis game he shared with his father (I Have Seen The Future) so why not squash?? Darren?
[1] Incidentally, Alabama boasted the best educated population (per capita) at one point due to the significant number of Ph.D’s working for NASA (Marshall Space Flight Centre) and other high tech companies such as Intergraph, ARES Corporation IBM and Bell Helicopters located in Huntsville.
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